Friends

10:29 am
There are two unrelated songs going through my head right now that I can't get out of there. It's okay, they both rock. The first is "The Golden Vanity," as performed by Crooked Still. I first heard it on their live album and liked it, but Aoife really sold it when I saw CS at Mississippi Studios. That girl can sing a song of betrayal like no one else I know. The second song is Dolly Parton's "Jolene." I heard Rhonda Vincent do it live in Charlottesville last month, and loved it, but had to buy it after I heard it in Whip It. My roots are catching up with me.

The drive to Reno was about 10 hours, including stops. We arrived at 7, but couldn't check in. We're sharing a room with Greg's friend Floyd, and the reservation is in Floyd's name. Neither of us thought to get Floyd's last name, and when we got here, they were on a plane somewhere over middle America. Dangit. So we hung out in the casino, slowly feeding nickels into a video blackjack machine (we actually won a bit) and waiting for the cocktail waitresses to come by. Finally at 11, we caught up with Greg and were able to check in. Since we were so late, they were out of double rooms, and gave us a free upgrade to The Summit, the resort part of the hotel, where the WiFi is free (and actually wireless, as opposed to wired at $13/day in the regular rooms), the beds are super comfy, and we have a fridge and microwave. Totally worth waiting around for.

This morning, I woke up early and went to the gym. I'm not such a good runner with no food in my belly. I did a full workout -- 10 min cardio warmup, weightlifting, 30 min real cardio -- but I wasn't able to sustain a run like I normally can. So I did a run/walk on the treadmill. Kind of disappointing, but I do feel like I got a good workout, so I'm okay with it. I started back at the 100 pushups program yesterday, and noticed today that the definition in my shoulders is already coming back. Pushups are amazing.

Now I'm all dressed and ready to go, but have no place to be for three hours. I'm especially excited about my outfit today. There will be pictures. :)

Peace.

December 24th, 2009

08:52 am
My uncle Brainard passed away this morning. He was my grandmother's youngest brother, born in 1919. She also died at 90, and most of her siblings died in their late 80s. It gives me hope that my 68-year-old father will be around for a long time yet. Brainard (aka BJ) had cancer, and his death was expected. His daughters were with him and knew that the end was coming, so they told him they loved him one last time. He tried to respond, and was gone. I think that's really beautiful.

BJ was the last living member of his generation. On my mom's side, I have two great uncles still living, both in their 80s. When they're gone, my parents will be the senior generation on both sides of my family. That's just a little bit surreal to me. I'm 26! If you look at just the direct line up my family tree, I've been a member of generation #2 since I was 15.

BJ's funeral will be Jan 2, in Virginia. I'm not big on funerals, and I won't be at this one, but I kind of would like to see it. He was a very high ranking officer in the Navy during WWII -- maybe an Admiral? Probably not...a Captain, perhaps? Anyway he was up there, and I know his funeral will have a lot of military fanfare. Even though I'm a pacifist, and I don't really believe in the military, and I don't even buy into the whole "Greatest Generation" business, I still find military services extremely moving. It's weird, because I harbor pretty serious disdain for all things military, but I guess at the individual level, it's a little different. I think lots of individuals in the military join up for altruistic reasons, and maybe they even maintain their altruism throughout their service. But on the whole, I can only picture the military as a herd of killers. Eh, this discussion doesn't belong here.

Uncle Brainard was a really amazing man. He was a jokester, an athlete, a family man. I loved him very much and we're all going to miss him a lot, but everyone's glad that his cancer didn't ruin the end of his life. He was only diagnosed about two months ago. The end was swift and everyone had their chance to say goodbye.

Peace.

December 23rd, 2009

buoren

07:10 pm - Divested of CitiBank
So, last year when I heard about the bank bailouts and how CitiBank was handling it, upset, I decided to divest myself of any business with CitiBank.

Today I have finally finished that. Shortly after I made that decision, I went and closed my bank account with them, opting for a local credit union. Today, I finalized the paperwork for the refinance, which takes me out of the grasp of CitiMortgage, in preference for a (relatively) local lending company.

My loan went from a 5.625% 5/1 30 year ARM to a 4.375% 15 year fixed mortgage. My payments only go up something like $400 for that. I'm totally ready when the inflationary period comes. Yay.

03:01 pm - Baby got back
I often get great creative ideas when I'm on the treadmill. Yesterday I did a lot of really productive brainstorming for my website and was able to come home and bring a lot of those ideas to life. It was all very fulfilling. Today my brainstorms weren't exactly creative...but my mind was abuzz nonetheless.

It was actually the first time in a really long time where I've been at the gym and haven't totally felt like bailing within three minutes of showing up. I've been toughing it out, but I've skipped more workouts than I normally would, and I've been really phoning it in a lot of the time. But today I had a very go-getter attitude about the whole situation, which was nice. I think this has a lot to do with the new playlist I created today. Crooked Still's "Golden Vanity" is the best treadmill song. Seriously. Anyway while I was sweating to the folkies, I got it in my mind that I would like to find some hundred pushups-esque workout plan for my butt. I loathe butt exercises. Can't fucking stand any of them. But they're important. Your ass is one of the biggest muscles you've got, and if you keep it in good shape, it'll help you keep the rest of your body in shape. I think I can make this dedication last with Bermuda on the horizon, and then some more time in Vegas and Reno after that. These are places where it helps to have a nice booty. (Should I write a travel blog about this theory?)

So I have to find some sort of booty workout program, or consult my trainer friends and have them put one together for me. Lately, even though I hate them, I have been doing 30-60 squats everyday. But that's getting kind of old and I should mix it up a bit. If anyone knows of any such workout programs, link me up. Otherwise I'll consult the wise robots at Google.

For now, I've got to get on with my day -- shower, picking up the tux, doing a little shopping...

Peace.

thingpart

01:45 pm - Proselytizing

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12:03 pm
I don't really have that much to do between today and tomorrow, but it feels like a lot and I'm procrastinating most of it. That's probably why it feels like so much...

My plan for today is to have lunch, chill for a while, go to the gym, then run out to Clackamas to pick up Z's tux jacket. The first one didn't fit, but luckily they were able to order the correct (hopefully) size before we left for Reno, so I've got to get that. I hope traffic and parking isn't too much of a nightmare.

I also have to get the oil changed in the car and get my nails done. I figure I won't work tomorrow morning and I'll get that done early, then hit the gym one last time and drive down to Salem. McKenzie will be working all day and then meeting me at his parents' house in Salem, where we'll spend the night before taking off for Reno on Xmas. It's just occurred to me that nothing will be open on Friday and it's a 10 hour drive. Hopefully my mother-in-law sends us off with good munchies for the road.

I can't believe I'm willingly making this drive again. It really can't be much worse than the last time we did this drive, though. I'll be fine...

Happy whatever-you're-celebrating. I'm celebrating slightly longer days.

Peace.

December 22nd, 2009

03:12 pm
I have done very few of the things on my to-do list -- I decided that's really a list of things I need to do by the end of the day tomorrow -- but the one thing I have spent most of the day on is something I feel good about.

Greg and I have been working hard all day to get my website looking how I want and ready to launch. It already exists and has some content...you could find it pretty easily if you tried...but I still need to move my most recent travel blogs over there, add some new content, and do some formatting. But it's basically ready. I'm just not making any big announcements yet until it's a site I'd be proud to show off to potential sponsors. Not that I'm looking for sponsors. No ads for now...we'll see about that later, but what I really want are some places to sponsor giveaways. We'll see.

Anyway, Greg had to call it a day, so I puttered around doing what I could without his expert guidance, but now it's time for me to go to the gym so I can cross at least one more thing off my list. The oil change, nails, and shopping will all have to wait a day, I think. I'm going to watch the Las Vegas Bowl when I get back from the gym.

Peace.

09:25 am - To Do
This is a massive list. Doable, but daunting.

Write
Work on some tweaks to my new site
Work up a Best of 2009 post -- it's all there in my head
Pick up Z's tux jacket
Oil change
Nails
Gym

I need to buy some stuff between now and New Year's Eve. I'd really like to buy it after Xmas so it's cheaper, but I'm concerned that there will be no shopping time in Reno. So I should also go shopping. The main thing I need is snowboarding gear. I'm doing a lesson at Lake Tahoe for my blog, and they'll provide the board, boots, and the instructor, but I guess I need to provide the rest. What will I need? I've never done this before. How much should I expect to pay for a good pair of snowboarding pants? Or should I get the jumpsuit style outfit? I also don't love the winter coat I have here, so I might get a new one if I can find a cheap one on clearance. I'm thinking Target might be the best place to look for this stuff. There's one next to the place where I have to pick up Z's tux, so that might work. Seriously, though, assuming I have to buy all my own stuff minus the board and boots, how much should this gear cost, and what are the essentials? I love that because I'm doing this for a blog, these purchases are a write-off :)

Your input is appreciated.

Peace.

December 21st, 2009

02:10 pm
Harumph. I am aware that my posts are posting without any paragraph breaks. I hope you are aware that I know how to fucking write and wouldn't do it like that. Come on, LJ, get your shit together.

02:08 pm
I'm only pretending that I have time today to blog. With McKenzie not here to hog all the pillows, I had a really wonderful night of sleep. I miss him, but I've found that sprawling is pretty much the only way I'm truly comfortable in bed. Also it's easier to sleep without the giant man snoring next to me. Aww, I miss my husband. But anyway I slept well! Then I hit the ground running this morning. The first thing I saw when I opened my computer was a news article about a new flight delay rule, which reminded me of a story I read over the weekend about a terrible flight delay, and hey, if I can string a couple of coherent thoughts together, that'd be a blog post -- tada! (It's actually more interesting than I made it sound just now, I promise.) I really shouldn't have taken the time to write that, though, because I had a massive deadline staring me in the face. That deadline: write a feature by noon today. As of 8am, I had a title and a one-word brainstorm. Since features are typically 1500 words, I still had some work to do. But I got that shit done. It's the last installment in a series of features I've been handling since October. It'll be out next week. In the meantime, one of my other features hit the AOL Welcome Screen last night (there's a Wii giveaway involved) and my inbox is overflowing with comments. I am feeling the love. Now I just need to get my ass to the gym and exercise, because I want to look hot in the very expensive dresses I did not buy to show off my flab, and there's just not much time between now and wearing those dresses to shape up much more. In honor of Solstice, I'll be meeting some friends at sunset on this shortest day of 2009 for cocktails, tater tots, and Whip It at the Bagdad Pub Theater. Because cocktails and tater tots will help me look good in my dresses. Peace.

buoren

09:44 am - avatar (no spoilers!)
I went to see Avatar with E yesterday in IMAX in 3D. Aside from the weird disorientation I always feel watching a movie in 3D, I had a marvelous time. The basic premise is that a human corporation wants to do mining where an indigenous population of feline humanoids live. Jake Sully is sent in using an alien body as an avatar in order to help with negotiations.

The special effects were gorgeous, and the vistas and biology were fascinating. The story was pretty epic. For some, it may be a little preachy; the nature-meld and Iraq comparisons were a little ham-handed.

However, watching this movie was a lot like having mashed potatoes and macaroni and cheese. It's not particularly new, even when Wolfgang Puck makes it (trust me, I've had it...), but it's still delicious, and sometimes you just need comfort food.

Me, I was happy eating mashed potatoes, stuffing, and macaroni and cheese for four days straight for every single meal, so... take that as you will :)

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December 20th, 2009

09:24 pm - Voyeur
Edit: This entry didn't format correctly. Sorry if you got the jumbled version -- trying to fix now...

I am fascinated by journeys of recovery.

I feel like sort of a voyeur in this way, but also I think it's because I do care...

I often end up lurking in get well communities or blogs about people's conditions after traumatic injuries or illnesses -- this began when a friend of mine was in a terrible car accident when we were in college, before I was a blogger and really before the word "blog" existed. (Isn't it crazy that a term that didn't even exist when I started college is now my job?) Anyway I would log on obsessively throughout the day to check on her status, and it was really heartwarming to read the progress as she got better and eventually made a full recovery.

I've followed along with other friends' struggles and illnesses via email updates and other websites, but within the last few years -- I blame social media -- this has gotten sort of crazy. Someone that I DO know, or at least have been in peripheral internet contact with for a long time, will post an update somewhere requesting prayers and well wishes for someone who's been in some kind of accident or something. And they'll post a link. And I'll click the link. I admit, it's at least an equal level of curiosity as it is caring. Anyway, I'll read the story about this person I don't know, and it's so full of emotion, because some loved one is really worried and writing from the soul and begging for help of any kind, and I just get sucked in. And I find myself returning to these pages to read updates and follow up. It's just so interesting.

I wish I could say I followed these updates out of caring, because it warms my heart to read about positive progress -- and that is *partially* true -- but really it's mainly curiosity. People really open up about their lives in situations like this in ways that they normally wouldn't, and it's a much more intense picture than just reading some stranger's blog -- which is never as interesting as what a recovering coma patient goes through each day. It's not like I seek these things out -- people post links and request us to read these stories and keep these people in our thoughts, and I just do.

It can be frustrating though when you want to ask questions for clarification and can't, though. People will post assuming you know everyone involved and they'll skim over details that most people would know, so when I follow along, there are often holes, and I do get extremely curious. But it feels wrong and creepy to reach out to these people in any way beyond to say "Hey, heard about what happened from [mutual acquaintance]. You don't know me but I just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you and wishing for the best." This is nice, but reaching out any further would be creepy, I know that.

I think most people tend to be more curious about death than illness. The Brittany Murphy story will probably be huge for a while, and people still haven't STFU about MJ -- but these celebrity tragedies just aren't that interesting to me. There's only so much to these stories; further developments won't change what happened, and I never really feel like anyone ever gets a true notion of what the people are like. The deceased are always praised (whether they deserved it or not) and it all just feels very...airbrushed.

My favorite kind of book to read is a memoir. I guess I like unpolished truth when I read. It's nice to really see a person...even if you don't know them. I guess that makes me a little creepy. Maybe even a lot.

Peace.

December 19th, 2009

05:17 pm
You guys. OMG. I baked. And the results were totally tolerable!

McKenzie wanted to take brownies to the FedEx station on Monday, and we're going to a family holiday party tomorrow, so I volunteered to try making brownies. I really wanted to use Veronica's mint-m&m recipe, but the store didn't have any mint m&ms, so I did one batch of regular brownies and one batch with dark chocolate m&ms. And they're so good!

I "baked" yesterday, too -- I put a piece of fake chicken on a cookie sheet in the oven for 18 minutes. I tried the Quorn brand for the first time. I was walking through the organic weirdo vegetarian food aisle and I saw these boxes of "chicken" stuffed with feta and cranberry, and I thought, oh wow, that looks amazing. So I bought a few different kinds. Last night I had "chicken" stuffed with gruyere, which was pretty good -- and I've had "Johnny Saucep'n" stuck in my head ever since.

Keeping with the trend of trying new things, Z and I are going to a new restaurant tonight. The restaurant isn't new, but the cuisine is new to me. I'm giving Thai food another shot. But DON'T GET EXCITED. Basically, all of my friends LOVE Thai, and I always feel like the jerk when we're going out to dinner and I'm all "uh, guys, I hate Thai." But the thing is, I always have. It's just waaaaay too spicy for me. And I've been told a hundred times that "there are things that aren't spicy" but you guys do not understand. I have ZERO tolerance for spice. ZERO. Things you can't even tell are spicy are excruciating to me. Things cooked in the same kitchen as standard Thai food tend to be too much for me. I've tried it a few times in my life, and I have not liked it. Ever. Sorry. Except for last week...when we were in Tacoma, I was in a large group of foodies who all wanted Thai for lunch, and I didn't feel like putting up a fight. I went, I explained to the waiter that I CANNOT HAVE SPICES AT ALL PLEASE AND THANK YOU. And he brought me some really yummy tofu and broccoli dish with peanut sauce which did burn a lot even though no one else could taste it, but I think I'm gradually building a tolerance, because even though it burned, I didn't hate it. The food was actually good. So, guys, I'm trying to open up a place in my heart and my stomach for your favorite food. We'll see how it works out.

But in the mean time, fucking stop already with the pressure. When I say "I don't like ___," I mean it. Don't try to talk me into it or promise that I can find something I'll like on the menu. Just because it's delicious to you or not spicy to you doesn't mean I can handle or tolerate it. My taste buds and my oral sensitivities are just different. I know what I like and I know what I really can't handle, and it's probably my biggest peeve of all time when people try to tell me I'm wrong about what I do and don't like. That said, don't think for even a second that any of you who insisted I give Thai a shot have anything to do with the fact that I'll be trying it tonight. And when I say "you guys," I mean every single one of you on this whole fucking list that I have ever had a meal with. So yeah, I fucking hate it when you do that, but every one of my friends is guilty of it, so it's obviously not a dealbreaker. But, um, it was time to say something. And I'm preempting all the "I told you so"s from people who've insisted in the past. I'm not trying it tonight because anyone ever told me to in the past. I'm going tonight because last week I just didn't feel like putting up a fight and actually for the first time in several tries DID enjoy it, so tonight I'm testing to see if that was a fluke or not. I'll report back later.

ETA: Apparently I was lucky to eat at the restaurant I did last week -- looking over menus for nearby places, all the vegetarian items look terrifying to me. So I think I'm standing by my "I don't eat Thai" assertion, though I'll amend it to include that I'm willing to make exceptions for restaurants that have large non-spicy vegetarian selections. Apparently that's not at all normal, which would explain why none of my first few Thai experiences were good.

Anyway that was a big ranty tangent. The point is, holy shit, I baked!

Peace.

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09:24 am
So I hear the east coast got some snow.

My parents have two feet at their house, which I believe is a record -- certainly more than ever fell in one day in my lifetime. Everyone's complaining about it, about being stuck, or cold, or whatever, so I guess I'm glad I'm not in it, but on the other hand, I feel like I'm really missing out. If I were there, I'd suit up in my snow pants and coat and mittens and go grab Emily and our sleds and inner tubes and we'd just wear ourselves out in it. Except that Emily's not there, because she got stuck in WV on her drive home. She was on the interstate not moving for at least 5 hours, and I heard from her this morning that she finally got to a hotel in Beckley, but will have to stay there at least through tonight because they're not letting anyone out. Yikes.

I guess it'll be a good week for online shopping...and a terrible week for FedEx, ouch.

Anyway I know everyone who's actually in it is all grumpy about it, but I do sorta wish I could be there.

I have a fun Portland day, though. Z and I woke up early so we could get everything done -- he's starting with breakfast with Dave while I hang out and blog. Then we'll go pick up his tux, which I can't wait to see. After that, we're headed to the Portland Saturday Market for some light Xmas shopping and street food. That'll only take us through lunchtime and we really don't have anything else on the agenda, but I'm hoping I can either talk him into bridge (not sure there is a Saturday afternoon game, but maybe!) or a date at the Bagdad -- Wizard of Oz is showing at 7 tonight, which could be fun.

I love living in a place where at any given time on any given day, I have choices.

Peace.

December 18th, 2009

01:22 pm
I'm home. I enjoyed the coast and I prefer being with Z wherever he is to without him wherever I am, but it feels so good to drop my luggage and relax.

The relaxing can only go on for so long, mind, because I have a ton of laundry (not an exaggeration, I have 2000 pounds of dirty clothes) to get through, a room to clean, and maybe I should buy some gifts for my nieces because holy shit, xmas is in a week. I'm not really celebrating this year, so I haven't been watching the calendar all that closely. We are going to do something in the morning with Z's family before we take off for Reno, so I think it would be nice to get some gifts for them -- I'm sure they'll have stuff for us. I'll hit up the Saturday Market tomorrow and see what I can find.

I got the dryer drama taken care of yesterday. After a lot of frantic emails and web searching, I found out that Lowe's was having a superduper special with superduper free delivery and installation so I jumped on it -- saved myself ~$300 and the tenant is very happy. So I'm pleased...ish. I mean I'm annoyed that it's just cost after cost...here's hoping everything else holds up long enough for me to get an actual rent check instead of a bill.

In the aftermath of all that, I did a personal finances mini-audit and calmed myself down. Things are better than I was thinking. We're okay. Hopefully we'll stay okay.

I think my anxiety levels are just generally elevated these days. I had a little bit of a breakdown last night watching Weeds. Z and I have never watched the series, but we picked it up on the cheap in a Black Friday sale and just started it last night. It's enjoyable, but one episode set me off. I have this tendency to really put myself in the shoes of the protagonist in anything I watch, and when one episode dealt heavily with loss & grief over the protagonist's husband's sudden death, I just lost it. I kept imagining what my life would be like if I suddenly (or even not-so-suddenly) lost McKenzie, and I just broke down. He hugged me and told me he was glad I cared about him so much that I got this upset, but begged me to calm down. In an effort to comfort me, he promised not to die, which I guess is sweet. But...yeah. I've since chilled out, but even writing about it makes me a little uneasy again. Do other people have this constant fear of loss, or do you just tend to deal with it as it comes and not think about it when you're not being forced to deal? I just don't know how to not think about it.

Anyway, I'm happy to be home. I'm going to go take a nap, then maybe walk to Hawthorne to see what's new since last week.

Peace.

December 17th, 2009

01:40 pm
This is bullshit.

The first month that my condo was leased, I was billed $75 (after rent) for things like advertising, cleaning, and whatever bullshit miscellaneous crap ($60 for POSTAGE) the property managers wanted us to pay for. Then last month, we took another $500 hit -- out of $800 in rent, we got a check for $300. I don't even know why but Z said he knew the charges were coming, so, whatever. It's still pretty much free money and it's better than we'd be doing if we were renting it on our own. Maybe.

Then today I get a note from property management that my less-than-5-years-old dryer is dead. They're billing me $75 for sending a maintenance guy out there just to diagnose the problem, and they say it'll be $500 to replace. My parents can get a much cheaper one ($350) there, but so far I've had nothing but radio silence from the managers as to whether or not they'll let my folks in to replace the thing. So I've taken in $300 total in 3 months of renting the place, and now I'm about to cough up $400-$500 to replace an appliance that's barely even used. Pardon me while I scream obscenities.

Remember how I was stressed about money? Yeah. This doesn't fucking help.

December 16th, 2009

06:12 pm
Things are going well here, but I'm a little bored. And very hungry. Z is working until 7, so we won't make it to bridge tonight, but I'm trying to not cave into hunger so I can have dinner with him when he gets back.

It's been a weird day. I'm in a condo in the middle of a long row, on the bottom, and all day long, the building has been shaking. Violently. It's always coming from the same side of the building -- it's as if I'm inside a doll house and someone is kicking it. It's not just a small rumble -- it's a real, measurable shake. I don't know why it's happening but it's kind of freaky. Then a few minutes ago there was a very loud bang which I don't feel like investigating. I really am enjoying it here, but all this is quite weird.

I went to the gym and used the treadmill today. I think I set a world record for world's fastest 10-minute mile. I normally do my warmup jog at about 6.3mph, and it's a good, steady, but slow pace. When I set this treadmill to 6.2mph, I couldn't keep up with it. I rolled it back to 6.0, but I'm pretty sure it was more like 7.5 or so. It was super fast. Then I tried the hamstring machine and lifted the world's heaviest 50-pound weight. I swear something is up with this place.

Hopefully the internet connection will be decent tomorrow and I can get to work making my website launchable. I'm very, very close, but there are just a few updates I want to make before I start promoting it. I'm excited, though :)

Peace.